Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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