Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
