Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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