Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
