I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
