I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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