Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
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