That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
