do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
