The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
