nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
