This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
