someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
