He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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