she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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