shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
