____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
