her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
