It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
