Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
