He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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