I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
