Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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