i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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