The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
