is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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