my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
