Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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