nut hugger
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
