oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
