I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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