It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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