I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
