New invention idea: vibrating tampons
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
