YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
