How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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