Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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