Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
