i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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