I CAN MOONWALK!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
