I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
