My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize