I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
