He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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