We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
