in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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