Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
