when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
