No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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