Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
worst night to have a conscience
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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