I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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