you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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