I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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