I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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