I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
