So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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