Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
this beer tastes like vomit already
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
