i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
