Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
