me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
