I think im going to throw up on grandma
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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