dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
