I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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