I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
