North Korea, Best Korea!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
