I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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