You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You smell like stripper and shame
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
