Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
