You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
