Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
