can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
