I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
