My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
not ubering you a puppy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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