OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
