i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
