How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
