i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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