Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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