I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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