420 ftw
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is the high leading the old right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
