Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
