he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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