Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck appropriateness.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
